here today

 

last thursday

In the chic, upscale, trendy part of town, there is First Thursday. On the first Thursday of every month, shiny cars compete for parking spaces. People with large, swingy coats stroll from gallery to gallery, sipping wine and considering purchasing something for over the sofa.

In my neighborhood, we do Last Thursday. It's dirty and there are dogs everywhere. People dance in the street. The art is bad and you can buy tamales and cheap lingerie in the same store. There is absolutely nothing for over the sofa that I couldn't make in ten minutes with duct tape and some paint.

I wish there were a place in between. A mid-thursday. That would be my spot. Serious Art, Fun Art, Good Art, Happy People, Dogs in the Street, Large swingy coats, Lingerie and Tamales.

Last night, while hanging out at the show my friends were putting on at one of the scrappy little galleries with bad lighting and pale green walls where someone was smoking (smoking! at a gallery!), I got cornered. Ambushed. Waylayed by the Queen of Real Estate aka freaky Ex-Obsessed Friend. Aeei. This is a friendship that I ended and it did not end well. We have not spoken since May. We have not spoken because she is crazy and because I was so worn out and worn down by the friendship that I was mean when I broke up with her. I'm too permeable to spend much time with the space-grabbers. They whittle away at me until I don't recognize myself anymore. And the Queen of Real Estate is the biggest space grabber of them all. She leans in and talks and pushes with her words.

So, last night. Life is good, she told me, over and over. Life is great, in fact (leaning in to say this). She is in love with a furniture maker who all her friends think is so hot (he is 10 years younger and not terribly bright) and they are moving in together and real estate is going so well she doesn't know what to do with all the money she's making. (I am poor, and she knows this) She is so happy and did she mention that she is in love? And they went to Ireland and life is so good. (I wish I had the money to travel) They laugh together and they are seeing the same couples therapist that Ben & I went to when we first moved in together (that is just weird) only they are doing it the right way. They are doing it Before Things Get Bad (I think that meant that Ben & I did it wrong - we did it after we had been yelling at each other for a few months and slamming the one door in our apartment that would make any noise). Because things are great. GREAT. And she is glad to hear that I am good, too. (only I don't remember saying that because I don't think I talked at all except to encourage her to let me know how good life is without me).

Her final words, as she leaned all the way into me for a hug that I didn't want to give, were "I miss you".

Me - "It was good to see you, too. Take care".

And then I breathed in for the first time in twenty minutes or what felt like three hours. I breathed in and remembered who I was and looked around at my friends who don't need me to replace the family they never had and who ask real questions about my life and who want happiness for me as well as themselves. I don't miss her. It was good to see her. It was good to hear that without me there, she's still okay. Without me talking to her on the phone ten times a day, she is still the Queen of Real Estate, going forward into other peoples lives and taking what they let her have.

So, I gave her a little bit last night. I gave her space to preen and prance and parade. I listened and congratulated. I smiled and let her go off into the night, both of us feeling better. She got to do the thing we all want to do after any kind of break up - show the other person you don't need them. And I got to see that it's true she doesn't need me, and this gave me room to smile, and say good-bye again, this time in a gentler way.

I wish her well. And, to be completely honest, I also wish her in a different neighborhood.

Posted by: 120pages at 07:12 | link | comments |