here today

 

sibling rivalry

my little sister arrives tomorrow.  my little sister with her tummy-tuck, two beautiful blue-eyed babies, swimming pool, older husband, conservative values.  my little sister who makes me crazy with her obsessions about her weight, my weight, her house, my house, her life, my life.  my little sister who was my playmate, my confidante, my baby girl to push around in the stroller and look after. 

only I failed  --- she left home at 14 to live with other troubled kids because she tried to kill herself at school one day. 

She was gone for almost a year and nobody talked about it.  I quietly applied to college in New York and couldn't wait to leave my small town, my silent family and my inability to keep everything together. 

Without telling my parents, I visited her every week.  Drove to Portland and picked my little sister up - each time I arrived she looked a little less familiar, a littler thinner, more make-up, less hair.  She would smoke on our drives and look over to see if I was going to say something.  I never did.  Every week I would ask her - Is there anything I can do, anything you need?  Every week she would look away and just shake her head.  So we drove around.  I told her about high school, who was dating who, Prom week, my graduation.  She listened and smoked and I counted the minutes until I could get away from her.

Then on my last week, when I came to say good-bye, I asked again - anything you need? anything I can do?  and she put out her cigarette and said "donuts". 

Man, I bought her the biggest box of donuts.  And we snuck them into her room and ate two each and she smiled so big.  And that's the moment I try to remember when she gives me a pair of her husband's old pants saying they'll probably fit cos I've got the booty to fill them. 

aeei.  Sisters.

 

Posted by: 120pages at 15:45 | link | comments (1) |