And then I invited my ex-best friend and her husband, who hates me.

Why did I do this you ask?  The answer is:  I had a moment of good cheer and those are dangerous times for me.  In my moments of good cheer I think that everyone should unite in peace and prosperity and champagne, hold hands, sing carols and forget the past as we skip and smile and toss rose petals.  This lasts for about two minutes and then I regret the invitations that have, inevitably, already gone out.  I huddle, waiting, hoping that the invitee will realize that I was completely OUT OF MY MIND to think that the past does not exist and that we can hold hands and skip.  Unfortunately, this ex-best friend didn't do that and is now coming to G&N's party. 

CONTEXT & HISTORY:  This is the ex-best friend who lived with me for nearly two years and during that time we spent all of my money and all of my credit and went to the Caribbean and out to dinner every night and I have nothing to show for it but a robe from the resort we stayed at on St. Lucia and some fading stories of dancing on the sand and sleeping with bartenders.  Sometimes I look at her and see all the pain of bankruptcy and divorce and I hate her.  I really Hate her.  Not that she could have stopped me sliding down to the bottom of life but she sure didn't try.  And then sometimes, I think she was the best thing that ever happened to me.  It was terrible, awful, messy stuff.  But I did it with verve and passion and I went to the bottom and mucked around enough to really know what it's like.  And I am Here Today.  Because of that.

we had another offer for the evening.  A trip to Mt. Hood with a cabin and people I know and some I don't.  Some I like and some I really don't.  And Ben was mad at me for not letting us go there but I would feel TRAPPED on the mountain with people drinking beer and playing cards and I just don't think that would have been a Good Idea. For anyone. As when I am trapped I start to say things that would otherwise maybe stay inside. Not that I have bad and nasty things to say. It's just that, you know, that could happen. blurting out loud just to shake things up.  

And now I fear that I won't be trapped on a mountain but I might be trapped in a Tudor on Ainsworth street.