here today

 

the box

 some days ago, a box appeared on our street, dumped there on the sidewalk instead of in someone's garbage can.  a big empty television box.

I ignored the box hoping that it would go away.

but it didn't.  instead, it gradually filled with garbage.  it became a garbage-filled box sitting on the sidewalk a few feet from where I like to park.

last night I cleared out my iMac and gave it to Ben's evil sister-in-law who is a writer and whose computer recently crashed & in crashing, deleted everything she'd ever written.  And while I dislike the evil s-i-l, I would not wish that on anyone.  ten years of writing gone in a moment.  that is some bad karma coming back to bite her in the hard drive.  but it is not my place to judge and so I offered her my beloved iMac.  First I had to clean it because this is not the kind of person who should have personal information about me.  She is evil and not to be trusted.  I cleared old letters, old short stories, bad poetry and then got to the emails. 

that's when I started drinking.  and I didn't stop until I'd read every last email between the ex-husband and myself. painful painful painful.  kept on drinking right through dinner with Ben's family and the handing over of the iMac.

was thoroughly drunk out of my mind and hopped up on old bad energy & dealing with Ben's crazy family when we arrived home to find The Box and all it's contents strewn about our front yard.  the yard that I spent all weekend working on. all weekend planting my quince tree and some lavender seeds and a wandering hydrangea and something called a Dark Star.  All Weekend.  I am not an outdoor girl.   I am not a gardener.  But I love and adore my house, my little house on a crummy street that other people like to use as a dump.  My house has a retaining wall and a steep yard and so to get The Box and all the garbage up into my yard would have taken some serious energy and bad intent. 

I jumped out of the car while Ben was still parking, climbed up into the yard and threw the box and the garbage into the street - screaming like I had completely lost it.  And I had.  I screamed at the tough high school kids standing where the box was earlier in the day, I screamed at the ex, I screamed and I threw and Ben stood at the top of the yard and didn't try to stop me.

I screamed while I cleaned it all up.  I screamed about my shitty car, garbage on the street, how much I love the neighborhood, that my parents were social workers and that I spent ten hours pulling weeds this weekend.   I walked over and screamed up close to the tough high school kids.  I was out of my mind, out of control, not myself.  

so, yeah.  don't dump your box on my street.

Posted by: 120pages at 11:45 | link | comments (4) |