here today

 

it's an application not my life

it's just an application like I've filled out a hundred million times before. 

just an application which includes an essay, a personal statement, four letters of recommendation, transcripts, a resume and all of ME somehow summed up in one little packet.  all of my life summed up and an essay on how this would be the best the very best school for me and look I went to Columbia and I can write and I am personable see these four people said good things.

it's just an application like nothing I've ever done because when I was eighteen I was fresh and new and it all looked so good student council and tennis and those test scores were out of this world my god she's smart.  but this school, they don't want scores they want diversity and expression and they want me to have spent the years between new york and portland doing something grand or at least good for the planet and the populace not working for an insurance agency while writing my heart out every morning wishing that were my job.   

it's just an application but I am trying something I might fail and I don't enjoy that.  no, no.  I like to move forward only when certain sure of guaranteed success.  beautiful shiny success.  I'm mailing it off today this unsure uncertain packet.  these dreams of something different held just barely together with a couple of  staples and way too much hope. 

so, yeah.  It's not just an application anymore.

Posted by: 120pages at 10:39 | link | comments (5) |