here today

 

happy part 2. birthday.

you were so small but so fierce and I was starting new and scared. we were a funny pair at the pet shop buying food, toys, crate, collar, leash - anything to bolster our tiny alliance.

you were so small but so fierce and you yelped your dissatisfaction all the way back to Portland. we waited in line for the ferry for hours it was summer and busy. hot in the car while I sat with you on the lower deck instead of going upstairs with the people and the clam chowder and maybe a beer or two. I sat with you in the car on the lower deck wondering what sent me to the island to pick out the smallest most fiery hard to love pup.

you yelped all the way over on the ferry two hours - we stopped at Lopez and you yelped all the way back to Portland over five hours because of traffic and we arrived at the St. Francis, my beautiful apartment building with a balcony, we arrived there both of us tired me wilted and you still mad.

for six weeks you were tiny so small that I slept on the couch and every two hours down six flights of stairs to get to the patch of grass outside. sometimes you didn't make it. often you didn't make it.

you ate a hole in the wall, you ate the leg off a table, you ate your leash. you missed your mom, your brothers, your island, your freedom. the waterfall builder didn't train you at all and me post-Los Angeles, post-divorce, new to this crazy life, I didn't know how to start. I took you to a class and they kicked us out. I let you roam, you licked homeless people, nearly died, romped in the park, jumped on strangers, I despaired.

but over five years you've changed, you've mellowed. the people in the building stopped calling you Lu-cifer. over five years I've changed.  I got stronger and we slowly became a pair, we grew into it, patched up the walls, bought new furniture, learned to play and to be still together. 

change. dogs change, people change.

the ex-best friend and I have changed and now we marvel and circle around this new-ness, this old-ness, this thing we're building. she is so bravely pulling off the layers that we both loved & needed. I am so easily saying what's on my mind instead of just trying to make her laugh or hold her near. we've patched over our own holes in the walls and we've learned how to play and to be still together but I think we both wonder for how long we can pull it off.

have we had enough training? has enough time passed?

the ex-best friend needs a new title and so I will call her the mermaid. The mermaid is coming to celebrate Lucy's fifth birthday on friday. she and Lu have been through much and they will dance to say hello and we will all laugh, drink wine, eat cheese. I am happy she's coming, happy at all the changes that have brought me here, her here, us here. I am happy with my wild child pup, my steady ben, my new friends, my old.

I am even happy not knowing what happens next.

Posted by: 120pages at 11:22 | link | comments (1) |